Cake and Commerce: Subtle Acts of Vengeance

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OK, so on the surface this has absolutely nothing to do with food...and if you dig deeply, it still has no relationship to food. In fact, the only reason I'm posting this is that I put this together, along with a work friend and my former persona non grata roommate (see "Death of Liqueur Batch..." and this for the story on him).

The inspiration for Ya Basta! was a disastrous dating situation that I was in about 5 months ago. I was just seeing someone my friends referred to as "The Pocket Prof," a diminutive professor whose ego was inversely proportionate to his height (I won't say who it was, suffice it to say he was in the political science department at a maize n blu midwestern school that I attended for one year before my homicidal, now deceased, roommate sent me packing. Miracles come in many guises). It was clear it wasn't working out. After some unfortunate communication via email, I believed I had washed my hands of him. But he had to have the last word -- a month after "it" was ostensibly over (at least in my mind). He sent a letter, which said (to paraphrase), "After giving it careful consideration, I have decided not to pursue a friendship with you." This struck me as 1) awkward; 2) funny; 3) insulting; and 4) presumptuous. He assumed that I wanted to pursue a friendship with him, which astonished me given that when we "broke up" he initiated it via email (hello "Sex and the City") and couldn't bother to pick up the phone.

I complained about this to my colleague, Hal, who much to my surprise never seemed to have much work to do (it turned out this was because he had secretly moved his wife, child, and nanny to Washington DC, sold his house, found a new job, and was planning his escape from the company). Hal wrote up a draft, I punched it up, and my roommate put the finishing legal touches on it.

So Ya Basta! is essentially what I wished I had when I was trying to (ungracefully) exit the intrigue with the Pocket Prof. But it is written to be flexible -- it can be sent to friends, neighbors, colleagues, your boss. Here's the disclaimer: Ya Basta! is for amusement only. Now do with it what you will.

The raised beds, late March

I'm late to start my garden again this year. OK, for those of you not fully initiated into the world of gardening geekdom, the relevance of this statement is that if I wanted to have full, lush, garden-ready plants by mid-to-late spring, I should have had my seedlings going already. As I have recently learned, everything revolves around the frost date (although all bets are off when a freak storm rolls over the city in the middle of May, which I have confidence will happen again sometime soon). Here in Chicago the last frost date is April 22nd or April 25th, depending on which calendar you consult. I'll just split the difference and call it night of the 23rd.

In the garden there are two kinds of plants: hardy and tender. Hardy plants can survive temperatures below 32F but tender plants? Well, they freeze and wither. My alpine strawberries are very hardy...some of them are looking green and ready to start flowering any month now. My chives are hardy and loving this cool weather. I have radicchio that also seems to be doing okay in the weather (unless I just killed them while transferring them to a new bed).

To attempt to catch up, I finally built a light shelf for my plants. My roommate (still around) commented, "If I didn't know better I'd think you were growing pot." Lovely. I suppose the majority of the folks around here with light closets and light shelves are growing pot. And if I were gunning to make some cash and weren't broadcasting to the world my intentions on this space, then maybe I too would be growing some. But I'm not. I'm trying to save myself a trip to the store to buy produce during the summer months. Vegetables fresh out of the garden taste so much better.

I took two trips when trying to figure out how to put together my light shelf: the first to Home Depot to scout out the goods, and the second to Lowe's to actually buy 'em. I bought Metro-type shelving (48" long), shop lights, and two kinds of fluorescent bulbs: 4000K (emphasis on reds in the spectrum) and 6500K (emphasis on blues - resembles daylight). Since I read two different things about artificial lighting (I decided to go with the source that said 4000K was better for seedlings and 6500K was better for plants) I split the difference and bought both. At the end of this cycle I will compare both - next year I'll buy more of the better bulb. That's really all I needed, but ever the worrier, I bought an extra electric extension cord and another set of chain for hanging the lamps. With all the unneeded extras (turns out I had a perfectly good surge protector) the cost to build my shelf was $200 -- half the cost of buying a pre-made kit.

I spent today putting together my seed starter kits. I bought a very easy-to-use system from Gardener's Supply in Vermont that I can't recommend enough. In the past I have used Jiffy pods or whatever those things are called. This system is a non-CFC styro tray with a capillary watering mat, water reservoir, water gage, nutrient solution, and lid -- perfect for seed starting. I planted my tomatoes, peppers, and eggplant (nightshades), my broccoli, brussel sprouts, and cabbage (brassicas), my onions (oops, a little late...by 6 weeks!), my leeks (also super-late), and a few other things that I'm forgetting. I will do another planting in two weeks - plants that need to be started a little closer to the frost date.

Tomorrow I'll be sowing the seeds of my hardy plants -- beets, carrots, peas, chard, chinese cabbage, etc. I have already re-composted my raised beds, supplemented them with some organic fertilizer, and turned the soil (and it is full of earth worms, hurrah).

There are a lot of online sources for seeds. This year I decided to support my relatively local heirloom and rare seed collectors -- Baker Creek Heirloom Seed Co. I like their varieties -- very intersting. And this I decided to let them decide what I will plant (for the most part) and I bought their very affordable northern climate market garden variety pack. I'll be planting things that I would otherwise avoid, like cauliflower, and white varieties of tomato. I used to buy from The Chef's Garden, but it just isn't the same since Burpee bought them. When I was in my final year of culinary school in Vermont I volunteered at their test garden. I transplanted seedlings and did whatever else the nice caretakers, former Branch Davidians, asked. In exchanged they gave me and my "is he gay or is he not?" Mormon friend the leftover seedlings, which we planted in our garden by our dorms. I didn't get to see the final garden that year because I left in July.

There are a number of other mail order sources, but I can't vouch for any of them. I did order some lovely Stupice tomato plants last year from a woman in Nebraska. What a great plant! I came across Victory Seeds while researching tomatoes today -- they seem like really good people, and I like their Scoville Unit chart for chilies. One of the most interesting things they offer for sale is a range of seeds originally produced by A.W. Livingston in the late 19th century and first half of the 20th -- true heirloom tomatoes that they grow from seed themselves. I also stumbled upon Tomato Growers, who have an incredible range of tomatoes, though not certified GMO-free. For more detailed information about anything to do with gardening, Dave's Garden may be the best resource available. It is an active bulletin board with a lot of subscribers with a lot of opinions. They'll tell you how to treat your bugs, if a seed company is reliable, or what the best variety of ground cherry to plant in your garden. You can trade seeds or just learn how to put yours by for next year.

I also like to shop at the Asian markets -- they will sell varieties that you don't often find or know how to identify. Last year I bought a Japanese variety of cucumber that was fantastic -- long, mild, not too seedy if picked at the right time.

Can't wait for the summer!

Here are some pictures from last year's garden. Notice the raised beds...that's what we use around here, because the soil on the ground is still pretty contaminated from previous residents playing auto mechanic on the property.